Tomb Raider

12¦ 4K, 3D, Blu-ray, DVD

It would be understandable if Lara Croft’s feelings were a tad hurt. After killing it on consoles in the late nineties, they decided to make a better version of her - and her style of game - for a ‘re-boot’ with 2013’s Tomb Raider. And to their credit, it worked incredibly well.

Then, obviously, Hollywood got a sniff of a money-making opportunity, and off the back of the success of the original games, Lara made her big screen debut in 2001, with then ‘it’ girl Angelina Jolie in the starring role in Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. It spawned a disappointing sequel, which saw Lara’s film career prematurely buried six feet under.

But Hollywood, who hardly ever gives up on the chance to make more moolah, have resurrected young Lara once more, with Oscar-winning Alicia Vikander no less, doing the tomb raiding malarkey. But is this the best version yet of this iconic game character?

boom reviews Tomb Raider
Alicia knew that if there were to be a re-boot of Bullseye, she'd be ready.

Lara Croft (Vikander) is heir to a large family fortune, but as she’s not ready to accept that her father (Dominic West) is dead, she’s not prepared to take on all the extra responsibility that comes with being a Croft.

Instead, she chooses a simpler life slumming it as a bike courier in London, hanging out with regular folk.

But after playing with a puzzle left to her by her old man, she discovers a cryptic clue, which in turn uncovers a key to a secret room. There she finds all her father’s research regarding ‘Himiko’, also known as the mother of death. His notes indicate that she can be found on a hard to get to island, outside of Hong Kong, so Lara decides to head off there.

As it transpires, it is a tricky place to get to, but that hasn’t stopped Mathias Vogel (Walton Goggins) and his men getting there, clearly up to no good. They too seek Himoto’s tomb, and will let nothing get in their way to secure it – including Lara.

boom reviews Tomb Raider
If anyone's gonna nail the audition for The Lance Armstrong Story, it'll be me!!!

It’s easy to be conned into thinking that a ‘re-boot’ of something, automatically means it will be a better version. If nothing else, this film serves to prove that theory wrong.

Right from the off this film lets you know that its expectations are low. Lara, the bike courier, gets involved in a game with other bikers, which see her being chased through the capital. An opportunity surely, to witness not only the physical presence of young Lara, but also her street smarts. You’d think. What you get is a relatively lame chase that wouldn’t look out of place on Grange Hill. It’s so poor that there’s more excitement to be had crossing a busy road at a zebra crossing. And sadly it’s downhill from there.

It has far too many faults to mention, but at the heart of it is a lacklustre script. It’s guaranteed that you would hear sharper dialogue waiting in line at a checkout queue for your weekly shop than here. It is bland, dull and completely devoid of personality. And the same could be said for Vikander’s performance too.

Perhaps the biggest shocker however, is its director Roar Uthaug. It’s the fifth flick to be helmed by the Norwegian, but the first Hollywood flick, and therefore the first in English. And much like Croft in the film, he was obviously out of his depth throughout.

Instead of a fresh approach to the character, the film resembles a really bad homage to eighties action flicks, with Vikander more Rambo than Croft, the difference being Stallone had better dialogue.

The studio behind it obviously didn’t have that much faith in the project, otherwise they would have given it to someone with more experience. Oh and an idea on how to direct an action flick. But then again, perhaps the budget all went on Vikander. In which case, they should ask for their money back.

A woeful re-boot that deserves to be quickly forgotten and buried so deep that not even Lara Croft can ever find it.

we give this two out of five