War Machine

R

If any actor were built to be the ultimate action hero, it’s Alan Ritchson. This has been proven by his tough-ass role as Reacher on Amazon Prime.

It hasn’t exactly been an easy route to get there however, as one point he had to show his toughness playing Raphael in two Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles flicks, before he could flex, without the shell, playing Hawk in the superhero TV series Titans.

This role then is his calling, playing a soldier who is tough as he comes, and he needs to be.

boom reviews War Machine
I wouldn't have to carry him if I was still a turtle...

After making a pledge with his brother whilst the pair were fighting for their country, 81, as he’s to be known, enrols to be an elite solider as a Ranger.

It’s a position that isn’t exactly handed to him however, as he has to undergo the gruelling selection process, in the training grounds in Colorado.

He makes it to the final test, with a handful of other hopefuls, but none of them are prepared for what they’re about to face – neither is the rest of the world, with the arrival of a giant meteor hurtling towards Earth.

boom reviews War Machine
For the love of god, don't tell them I'm only an actor!!!

Australian director Patrick Hughes, whose previous films have included 2014 The Expendables 3, 2017’s The Hitman’s Bodyguard and it’s 2021 sequel, helms a film that’s essentially of two halves: the first follows 81 during his training, à la Full Metal Jacket; it then turns into a sci-fi, with 81 and his men having to park the training in order to save the world.

Not only do the two halves very much stay that way, with each half a generic, hackneyed representation of each genre, the two pair don’t gel, making it feel like two flicks in one – two below par ones at that.

Not only is it satisfied with being generic, the script and dialogue are woefully clichéd to boot.

Ritchson does his best, playing an archetypal action hero, but he probably conveyed more emotion as a hero in a half shell than he does here.

It’s disappointingly trite, and certainly doesn’t pass ranks in either army training or sci-fi genre, so to paraphrase Edwin Starr, (Machine) War – what is it good for? That’s right, absolutely nothing.

we give this two boom of five